A Word Aptly Spoken

I remember reading something a while back in a post from a smart woman who usually has a great perspective on life.  You see, she is someone who is all about living life fully, serving others, and making the most of the time you have with those you love. She creates magical memories for her kids, her friends, and her family. In fact she created a career where her job is to help people record and keep those memories.  Her advice, that I have tried to remember since that day, was to always get in photos whenever you can. Don’t hide. Love the experience and don’t worry about how you look in the photo.  Just remember the feeling and the time with someone who loved you enough to take a picture of you in the moment.  

I’m a hobby photographer. I enjoy taking pictures. I am not a trained photographer, but I have a pretty good eye for capturing a nice shot.  Digital cameras certainly make that easier as you shoot hundreds and only pay to print the five great ones—real savings over when I took hundreds on film and paid to print them all.  

I have been the photographer at our family events and when I gather with friends.  I was the yearbook advisor at school and was constantly grabbing a camera to make sure we had pictures of the everyday, spontaneous things that make up a teen’s life at school. I have gone on trips where my only purpose in being there has been to make a family photo album of a friend’s family so they have a record of time together.  I shot wedding pictures for two couples so they could look back on that special day that may have been a real blur to them at the time. 

I love being able to look at pictures and remember what was happening, how much these people meant to each other and to me, and above all the love and laughter that surrounded the memory.  What I never liked was a picture of me. Too fat. Weird expression.  Eyes closed.  Just plain goofy. Or absolutely frightening. No picture of me was ever satisfying.  Part of the reason I was the one with the camera is that I remained on the other side of it and, therefore, out of the pictures.  

While gathering pictures for my mother’s memorial service, it dawned on me how few I had with the two of us.  In fact, there weren’t very many of me at all. Between the advice of the friend and that realization, I have over time made an effort to shoot a selfie now and then.  To jump in when the camera comes up or at least not to bluster and object.  I took a lesson from my brother-in-law (the notorious photo bomber) who is always fun to be around. One of the things we tease him about is that every time a camera appears, he jumps into the shot.  When I look back at those pictures – often goofy, but always full of laughter and fun – I smile. I can’t help but smile when I see the joy on his face and on the faces of others that he made smile!

Do you remember the great selfie taken at the Oscar Awards in 2014?  Ellen DeGeneres held up a camera to do a selfie and encouraged those around her to huddle in.  It is a great photo with everyone smiling!  They all jumped in for the fun – more people than the camera could even get in one shot!   Later Kate McKinnon did one too.  Dressed in her best Ellen attire, she used the selfie stick to get even more people in it.  Look at the fun in those pictures!  They were people enjoying a night out and there it is for all to remember the fun.

A photo of me or one with me in it is still not something I look at without a critical lens. No matter how many times I say that I look like Katherine Zeta Jones, it just isn’t true.  I have an image of myself inside.  It doesn’t look like the physical me, unfortunately, but it is of someone who loves deeply and cares deeply.  And so I’ve tried to take that advice I thought was so good.  I no longer step out of pictures.  I don’t hide when the camera comes out.  And I don’t even care if friends show those pictures to someone else.  It gives me a record of being there, of feeling welcome, and of being part of someone’s life. 

I have a long history of a problem with depression in my life. I have worked and worked to be rid of the feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, insignificance, and of never quite fitting in that often engulf me.  Sometimes when those feelings grab me and I feel alone and adrift in the world, it helps to look back to pictures with family and friends who, it turns out, really do care no matter how worthless I feel. I can feel that sense of belonging that often evades me. I can glimpse proof of someone who smiled and put an arm around me, someone who enjoyed my being there.  I can glimpse the laughter of that moment and feel it again. 

Next time a camera comes out, just say “Cheese!”  Or say “Sexy” because it gives you a little glint of being up to something.  Ask them to share the picture with you and be happy they wanted you there and in the photo!  Post it to Facebook or Instagram.  Send it to a friend.  Or hang it on your bathroom mirror as proof that you were there and loved.

Some pictures of me with people (or a pup) I love. Do I look great in these? No. But the people I’m with, what we were doing, and the memories they bring still make me smile.